One Hundred Subs and still Emerson Echoes
It’s been roughly two decades since I decided I had to pursue my dreams. I was about twenty years old, and what does a twenty-year-old know about dreams? At that age, we romanticise the things we think are perfect for us, the things we see online and read about (we read books back then, yes).
I barely started working for my first salary, but my childhood passion for pursuing remote, creepy-named places. During my school years, I paged through my dad’s road atlases, deliberately seeking towns with the smallest dots, oddest names, and thinnest road lines. Folks living in these places seemed quiet and strange, yet peaceful and happy. Eventually I became old enough to ride a motorcycle, in fact, an old 1980s XL125 that my father bought for me. I tried to use this to explore outside of town, along railway lines and any place I identified as deserted and remote. I couldn’t really go further than ten or twenty kilometers from home, though, for several reasons. Pocket money only bought that much fuel & being restricted in distance by parents.
Adulthood struck, and so did the freedoms afforded by a driving license & starting salaries in the career that would eventually burn me out (and make me weary of the way people treat each other in the business/money world). Look, I should probably have spent less of my salary on petrol, but I felt the need to go farther and find those odd towns. The best memories were sitting in the remotest areas of the Karoo (a desert area here in South Africa) and realising how much I could think and dream out there. Being alone, for a change, so one can focus on the self; something like that, according to Alan Watts.
Long story short, I had some good friends who supported my ideas and dreams and whom enabled me. I now have the best life partner, wife, friend that not only supports me in my quest, but she also shares the same visions (in her own version, making things super fun). About two years ago, I stopped working in software development. I experience companies defrauding, lying, and plainly trampling good people. There was a hell of a lot of good times and brain boggling experiences, but also a lot of rubbish that was going on. My gratitude still goes out to many of the folks I worked with, and they all should know who they are…
Here I sit, in my wooden cabin in the desert. I am writing this article under the glow of a lamp powered by the sun and enjoying my glass of Oros diluted by fountain water. I have no income, but also no debt. There are many friends in the area, yet I have very few visitors. To get to the nearest town, I have to drive down four kilometers of very rough driveway through the hills, but it still beats gridlock. I don’t know what tomorrow, next year or my old days will bring — but it doesn’t matter because I am living to experience the “now”.
This might not be the life most people want for themselves, and I realise a lot of folks sneer or judge it. It is very true for those who measure success in fiat currency, or possessions. To each his own, I respect every person’s choices as long as they bring them actual happiness. I am here though, and happy and I would not exchange it for anything in the world. I have my awesome dogs (amongst many other species of animals) around me, my best friend and wife next to me, and outside the cabin door roams the rabbits, rooikat and puff adder.
The quest for self-sufficiency is challenging. I have traded my computer skills for this weird combination of creative, technical and manual labour intensive life. I am aiming for a very large value of self reliance, and it will take years, no, a lifetime, to get there. Growing our food, managing the animals, stewardship of land, regenerative growing and soil building are but a few of the things I cannot avoid. Every day, something needs maintenance, cleaning or recovery. Projects fall behind, the heat of summer delays them too.
Self-reliance is not the same as self-sufficient, and Ralph Waldo Emerson makes this. A man cannot be a man if he is not himself. To be yourself, you need to trust yourself, your ideas, your thinking, and your abilities. Only then can you achieve your goals. Whether they fail or succeed is insignificant. Failures are mere delays, shining a light on weaknesses. Without failures, we build weak things, weak dreams, and unrealistic expectations from life.
One area of shortcoming for me was (or still is?) self-reliance. I am presumably not the only one with this dispute, but let’s pretend I am for this piece. There’s a certainty inside me. I have knowledge to share and inspiration to sow to others like myself, yet I am hesitant to do so. Will they judge my writing? Do I sound stupid on a podcast? Is my ability to get a message out in English (as a second language) too limited to be useful to anyone? For the better part of the last two decades, this stopped me from doing something I really wanted to do… write and create videos about this journey I am experiencing.
YouTube’s been around for a while, amongst other video platforms. I always loved an honest channel with a wonderful message and open knowledge. Only recently did I decide to face the music, face my face so to speak, and get content out for myself. I had to find my way around video editing, recording and scripting. My channel’s been active for a while now, and while it’s not nearly as ‘watched’ as I would have hoped, I am proud of it. It’s an achievement that I owed myself, and it only happened because I actually trusted myself a little more.
Without the use of bots or anything of that sort, I have recently crossed the one hundred subscriber mark. I am thankful to each one, and I deem my work on the channel a duty. Every person watches and subscribes out of their own volition, and that means a lot. I have high hopes that I will garner many more subs in the future, and perhaps also on my Patreon campaign.
Out of everything I might do, this is the only source of income that would pay me for doing something I love while sharing the message I think everyone should hear: If I can get where I want to be, and do what I want to do, then so can you. If you’re into the self-reliance, self-sufficiency sort of thing, then check it out, but that’s not why I wrote this article. I wrote this because I still feel hesitant and self-critical about my work. Writing about it is great, and hopefully also will inspire someone out there.
With that said, I wish you all the best for 2022. Stay safe, simple and open-minded. Don’t be fooled by the weird world and insane media. Do not let the toxic and negative get you down. Improve yourself, your vicinity and your community. Take those who dream with you.
As Emerson says:
Without ambition, one starts nothing. Without work, one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it.
